Planting seeds, reaping joy
I just came back from the grocery store. I got the usual - fruit, veg, fake meat, cereal, oat milk. Doritos. The basic necessities. I wore my ear buds to better ignore the unmasked masses around me, but as usual, when I got close to the checkout, I took them out so I could attempt to have a friendly conversation with the staff.
Selecting the line is always a challenge for me. Do I go behind the bachelor looking guy stocking up on pre-made meals, expecting him to be wanting to get out of there fast, only to find he’s asking the clerk to go and get him some cigarettes that are behind the locked counter? Or do I risk the little old lady with the walker, her pockets probably weighed down by quarters and nickels? Do I spend more time making generalizations about people than I do picking a line? Decisions, decisions….
Do I go to the clerk I recognize as the - shudder - singer? Like, literally every word is sung. Maybe she’s an aspiring kindergarten teacher. Or do I go to the clerk who is quick and efficient, but is really too grumpy to be out in public (I know, I should talk!)
Today, I picked the second smallest line ( I didn’t want to push my luck), mostly because the clerk was new to me, and I thought it might be interesting to talk to a young person with dyed orange hair.
She was quiet at first, and I didn’t say anything until I was done unloading. I noticed she had a knitted or crocheted Ukrainian flag on her sleeve, and a rainbow band on her wrist.
“I like your flag” I said, as I pointed to my sleeve.
“Oh, thanks.” She replied, as she kept scanning my groceries, still looking down.
“And your ….” I said, as I pointed to her rainbow wrist band.
“Thanks” she replied, as she quickly glanced up.
I took a chance….
“You know what?” I said. “There’s a website that is giving away free Pride flags for Pride Month. And you can even get some that are Canadian flags but rainbow on the side, maple leaf in the middle!”
“Really?” She said.
“Yes. I went to buy one, but when I saw it was free, I got one for me, one for my daughter, one for her housemate.”
“That’s really cool!” She said. She leaned toward the plexiglass divider and lowered her voice. “Are you….?”
“No” I said “I’m an ally.”
“That’s really nice” she said. “I’m from Vancouver, and I find people really judgmental here.”
“Yeah” I said. “Small town.” I paused. “Not that that’s ANY excuse.”
I showed her the order page on my phone, and she tried to stealthily slip her phone out to take a picture. Maybe next time I see her, she’ll be waving that flag.
I kind of felt like I’d done my good deed for the day. Shown a little kindness. Noticed something about someone that might be important to them. Avoided the singing clerk that might make me cranky, because that’s not good for anybody.
It also reminded me of this time I was in DisneyWorld a few years ago. I went purely and only to go to Harry Potter World. For much of the time, even though I went with my cousin and her teenage granddaughter, I wandered around Diagnon Alley alone, visited Hogsmeade by myself, guzzled butter beer in abandon and delight.
At one point, a crowd was forming around a display of something, and I started to feel a little crushed. I widened my stance, threw my hands on my hips, and let my elbows jut out into space.
Beside me, a young girl, maybe 9 or 10, shrunk away from me.
(I’m not saying I elbowed her in the eye, but I may have almost elbowed her in the eye.).
I looked down at her, still in my Wonder Woman pose, and said to her ‘TAKE YOUR SPACE.’
My heart burst with pride when she did.
Her legs widened, her elbows flew up, and not only did she stand in her space, she then pushed through the crowd to see the event taking place.
We go through life usually never knowing the impact we might have on people. We’re usually too busy, too self absorbed, with not enough self awareness to notice the rare time we might impact someone else’s life.
And let’s face it, normally we do not impact other people’s lives, and they do not think about us nearly as much as we are afraid that they might be.
But once in a while, if we watch carefully, notice curiously, and speak with compassion and curiosity, we can see a seed being planted.
I hope that little girl from DisneyWorld is still taking her space and making her way to the front of the line. I hope she got comfortable enough with it that she kept doing it, and never shrunk from anyone taking up space in her world again.
I hope the young clerk from the small town grocery store can look at a middle aged lady and wonder, is she an ally? Instead of wondering, am I being judged?
I hope they are both stronger and more self-assured then I ever was at their ages.
